Monday, April 20
Labels: [emo]haiz..e same thing is happenin again..last time it was primary sch..then its secondary sch..n juz when im worryin about my poly life..e same thing happened in another grp..in e past whenever ani1 wanted to do something..they will definitely follow along..yet it might not be e case for me..n today..e first day of my sch..we were actually suppose to meet near central..but halfway thru lesson someone sms me sayin we wil be meetin for dinner in someone's sch..shich happens to be mine too..juz when i was feelin puzzled y e sudden change since most of them are studyin near central..someone replyed sayin its bcuz they wanted to meet russel for dinner but he is alr meetin HIS cg..hey..his cg is my cg..yet they didn’t even consider bout me..to tink i actually thot they could be e 1st bunch which i can lay back on if theres any prob n vice versa..tats y i chose to join them instead of cg..guess ive been on a wrong mindset all along..they can meet at yck cuz 2gals is studyin there..we can wait for some ppl for so long cuz they lost his way..we can meet to go all e way to the west cuz e MINORITY stays there..not tat i need all to go accordin to my wishes..neither am i complainin how inconvenient it is for me..but haiz..tat realli shows how IMPT am i to e grp..i bet if not for russel..i would hav to go all e way down to central again today..n might even need to make a u-turn back to my sch..isit my fault tat i seems a little over matured for my age..or too strong an attitude tat i can hide my darkest emotions so tat others cant see thru me..or bcuz it seems as if im fine wif every decision to e extent tat they no longer ask for my opinions??i might seem very free to turn almost everytime they wana meet..but did it ever cross their mind how many other stuffs i got waitin for me..i rather burn midnight oil doin it..yet meet them durin e afternoon..tats cuz i cherish e friendship we share..but i guess im e only one who cares..or atleast cares e most..
while waitin for 5.30 to arrive..my mind keeps repeatin a qns 1001 times..shld i remain where i am now??thou im wif my cg..i surrounded by 'unfamiliar' ppl..ppl who I knew yet talkin among themselves..im juz by a corner alone..wif no1 botherin about me..wats e point of stayin here..wats e point waitin for a grp tat takes me for granted to turn up..haiz..too many negative qns in me tat i tink theres only 1 simple ans..they juz simply dun understand me..they juz didn’t tink tat ill be so affected bout it..oh well..i gone thru so much more than them..thou we are of e same age..i guess their tinkin juz remains seventeen..'pure'n simple..haiz..ill juz keep broodin over matters..even thou i know its bad n uncalled for..but it juz brings back memories..bad memories..but to a certain extent i juz cant ignore tis feelings n thoughts..haiz..n e reason they came to rp was bcuz they wanted to join russel for dinner wif HIS cg..yet he dissapeared wif e reason 'tired' b4 they even turn up..make it look lik they are here to join me..'lol'..i wonder if i shld laugh it off or not..n e person who suggested e meetin left even b4 we decided where to eat..not tat im blamin her..but there are definitely others who are tired too..but if everyones so tired tat we cant even last an hr tgt..then dun plan a dinner outin..i ended sch at 3.30..i waited til 6+ near 7..bet none of u felt tat im not in a very good mood..at most felt tat im a little tired..haiz..i should hav gone home n hav a better rest rather than reachin home lik near 11 n sleepin at 2am(tats e time now!)..haiz..looks lik im back to square one..days wif only 2ppl in my life..Jesus..n my mummy..haiz..i guess I better stop here..dun wana hav tears flowin down while pics of e past comes flashin back..
